i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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