he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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