yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
