Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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