Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
