dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
