Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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