Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
