Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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