Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His hands were made for my vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my god I love twenty year old dicks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
