so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
