i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
