I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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