I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
