worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
