i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
