I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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