theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
