i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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