ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
