i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
