even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
