Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
