dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
