And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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