first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
