Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
