Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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