i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
