Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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