He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
