My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
