update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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