Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
