I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
