he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
