she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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