I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
