We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
