So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
