I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
