The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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