apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
