hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
