my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
