If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
