Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
