I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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