He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
even my farts smell like vagina
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
