Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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